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Not all males have out of control sexual urges and I suspect that there are males who have bizarre sex lives (whatever that means) who engage in sex "responsibly" ie at the appropriate time and place and partner(s).
FuzzyBunny made a comment on another forum that most of the men she believes masturbate at work. I find this unfathomable, but perhaps I live in a different world than she does.
The fellow mentioned in the story was a self centered out of control irresponsible person to do what he did when and where he did it. He was of questionable sanity to do what he did - poppers and breath play - at all. I feel sorry for his boss, colleagues, family and friends who will be unfairly tarred because of what he did without a second thought.
This man seems to have had some serious emotional maturity issues and kinky sex had nothing to do with them.
Of course I am waiting to read the outrage from the fetish community about this irresponsible person, rather I suspect there will be all sorts of cries not to paint all pervs with a broad brush and this can be done safely blah blah blah.
Few males have sexual urges that are out of control all the time. But I suspect most men have found themselves controlled by their sexual urges some of the time. That's the dangerous time. That's the time when a man might think, "Now that's a real turn-on - I'm gonna try it!" Afterwards (if there is an afterwards) he may well think, "I cannot believe I did that" but, at the time, the lunatic rules the asylum.
The problem I have with your analysis, Shiva, is that you are taking a broad brush to this man. You say he is "self-centred, out of control, irresponsible". I say that what he did may be characterised in this way, but it is not helpful or indeed accurate to infer that these actions are a reflection of the man. No one should be judged by one set of actions. For all we know, this may have been the first (and, regrettably, last) time he had tried this particular experiment.
Your conclusion that this man had "some serious emotional maturity issues" is obviously just you being your old provocative self and I make no further comment on it.
His actions do not provoke outrage in me, just a shaking of the head and the thought that, "There, but for the Grace of God, go I."
Shiva you certainly have strong opinions about a person who you never knew.Heres what a few of his 147 facebook friends have to say....
Claire Feltham said: “Billy Joel was so, so right when he sang Only The Good Die Young.”
Paul Mason said: “Ralphy, I’ve never met a more generous and loving guy, I can’t believe I won’t hear your laughter.”
Vickas Handas wrote: “Ralphy. You were such a genuine and sincere person.”
And Natalie Baker wrote: “Poor Ralphy... we are all completely gutted to hear such sad news.”
I don't know the man and only skimmed the article so my comments are more like a thought experiment than a scholarly dissertation. I made a lot of assumptions which led to my "harsh" conclusion. I do not disagree with that and I am sure any intelligent person would understand this is pretty much conjecture based on a lot of assumptions. You don't want to go there. So be it.
But without direct personal experience how can form opinions about such things?
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately we use themes, memes, generalizations, short cuts, and all sorts of things to build more complex thoughts, arguments and so forth. it's how we think and how we discourse.
I can make statements about subs or rubberists which sound like sweeping statements on the face - and they may well be. The comment may apply to some, to one, to many but probably not all. You just can't make such declarative statements about almost anything because there seems to always be exceptions and extenuating circumstances. I chose to opine, use assumptions and draw conclusions in a theoretical sense. But I assure you that I remain open to individuals I encounter and take each on a case by case basis.
As far as males losing control because of "sex" I would say that this does apply the more you go down the road in an actual sexual encounter. My view is that in the beginning your rational mind is completely in control and your "lust" presents and demands some sort of sexual satisfaction. Your rational mind must then chose to begin to check out and go with the flow of the sexual energy. Once you are engaged in a sexual encounter you have pretty much decided to turn off the rational mind and go for the gusto. As you approach the moment of orgasm chances are you have little rational capacity left except to focus on the erotic experience.
If the above is basically true, and one is aware of this, having sex in certain situations becomes very high risk. For example trying to drive a car while your lover is masturbating you. Most people can recognize that this is asking for trouble.
There is also the notion that anyone can be forced to abandon their rational thought by getting them turned on sexually, that they can tolerate the otherwise intolerable because it is masked by sexual arousal or orgasm. And some even believe that you can alter what someone's sexual triggers/ response is regardless of the person's rational thinking on the matter, for example turning a non masochist into a masochist, or a mild one into an intense one. This is only possible if the person is of sound mind and willing to be led. You cannot seduce someone who does not want to be seduced.
I don't know who these face book friends are and if they had day to day personal interactions with this man.
I am not saying he is an absolute monster. I have no reason to believe that he didn't have many good qualities. Actually most people do have good qualities. The best have lots of them and few bad ones.
My comments are drawn from how he died and how irresponsible this act was, how inconsiderate this act was, how selfish and narcissistic this act was. I did not read about other aspects of his life and you don't know squat about mine except my comments on this forum.
I chose to comment on the article and the information provided. I stand by my reading and my conclusions based on the limited information in the article until I have more facts about this man. Facebook comments don't cut it for me. Sorry.
This means that, even allowing for The Sun, there's very little to go on here as to whether the guy was clever, or stupid, premeditated, or accidental, or anything else for that matter. It's important to be clear about the source of risk in all kinds of play, and from what I understand, breathplay is massively more risky than poppers. Basically if you survive your first exposure to poppers, they are likely to be fairly harmless to you thereafter; but they could kill you stone dead on the spot during that first try, because there's lots of people out there with undiagnosed heart conditions. The moment of diagnosis comes at the massive heart attack; something you need to have right outside the Emergency Room to have even a fair chance of survival.
Breathplay, by contrast, remains dangerous EACH time you go for it. Indeed, it's inherently edgy, because what you could do last time, you may not be able to do this time. Unfortunately, with all the layers of functionaries involved in the case here, we can't work out exactly what he was doing, and thereby figure out what lessons we should learn and which practices we should understand, and avoid.
Perhaps that's the lesson to take here: This guy died so we can understand just how poor the attitude is amongst the caring professions, towards kink and those who practice kinks.
And as for having sex or masturbating at work: can we crank back on the smug piety a bit?
Shiva I have tried to explain that you are wrong to make awful comments in this forum about the character of a named person who died in tragic cicumstances. If you refer back to the source material which are newspaper reports you will see they avoid slandering the named person . I had hoped that you might also. Seems that your own character is open to question now.
Stop making this about my comments and my character and about the circumstances of this man's death.
As I said I don't know any of the facts and based my comments on the one article. The article may be rubbish so rubbish in means rubbish out. Got that.
However, my take away from the article which disturbs me is:
He was engaged in some sort of sexual activity at work and I think this is inappropriate, irresponsible, misguided and so forth. If he was the sole support of a family he was putting them in jeopardy by doing this for the likelihood of being fired if discovered is 100% and that would be if were not in fetish gear doing drugs.
If he were caught doing drugs the same fate of being fired would surely follow. Almost all companies have a zero tolerance for drugs. Again this behavior was irresponsible and wrong head and could have jeopardized the well being of those who depended on him for support.
Now add in that he was doing breath play which, in my opinion is dangerous and ill advised in the most controlled circumstances. But this will not stop people from this type of sex. And the fact that he did this anywhere alone brings to my mind whether he is of sound rational mind.
Wearing rubber suits is not something to be bothered about, especially if it did not interfere with his work. Buit it's not clear whether he wore this under his clothes or got "dressed" in the mens room to do the poppers and the asphysixia erotic play. I suppose having his boss walk in and finding him cavorting in a rubber suit and gas mask might get him fired as well so even this was putting his job in jeopardy.
It's not clear to me whether he was off duty, taking a break or slacking off at work, but he was in his workplace and I don't think his employer would tolerate any of his actions, let alone all of them together.
I don't think my comments were awful. I feel sorry, as I said for his relatives, friends, colleagues etc. who have to not only deal with his loss, but the fact that he had a secretive live involving some questionable practices.
I don't think my comments were slanderous. How do you consider them slander? First, slander is spoken and libel is written. I don't think my comments were libelous either. Perhaps you can explain.
I would ask you once again to stop attacking me, raising question about my character and attack my comments if you don't like them. That's flat out wrong in a discussion forum.
"No drugs were detected in the security worker’s body but toxicologists confirmed he had inhaled a vapour which made him suffocate."
He was using an inhalant and reduced the oxygen below that which will sustain life, not breath play, is the way I read this. He had a girl friend so probably no kids.
Being just a bit harsh he removed himself from the gene pool and is a candidate for the Darwin Award. Doing Stupid stuff will get you dead at times. And sounds like he did it on company time.